Raj's Wedding Secret Wedding Blog

A wedding blogger scared of getting engaged

October 10, 2016
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Many people come to the assumption that, as a wedding blogger, I’m obsessed with weddings. Sure, I don’t help myself when I discuss it quite often but hey it’s an interest. It could be like your interest of sport or politics, mine just happens to be weddings. You need to be passionate about a topic if you’re going to spend a considerable amount of time blogging about it, right?

Wedding realities and priorities

Growing older has meant I’ve seen the realities of weddings. 16 year old Raj wanted an over the top Indian wedding. Our family never held parties in halls for birthdays or anniversaries, they were more intimate, stay at home customs. With this in mind, I decided I wanted this big fat Indian wedding. And money didn’t matter because of the dowry of course.

Fast forward to 10 years later, with a good few years of wedding blogging under my belt, I look back at my former self and smile. Reality has kicked in and other priorities become more important such as buying a new place to live. I had always wanted to get married before living with, let alone, buying a property with my partner. This is something my family would have probably preferred, but this decision was made based on what was best for me (and him) – not what ‘other people think’.

Fusion wedding sangeet night
Photography: Liam Collard Photography, view more from this wedding here

Scared to get engaged

Now I’m at a stage where if he proposed to me, I would be over the moon, after 8ish years of dating, I think it’s time. With this in mind, the thought of getting engaged makes me excited and extremely anxious. Being engaged means that wedding planning is to due to take place and that terrifies me.

A wedding blogger scared of planning her own wedding?

Exactly. I’ve heard from a number of friends who think that my wedding is going to be amazing. Er…hold on.

I’m forever telling them not to make these assumptions. Our wedding may be amazing to us getting married, but their version of amazing maybe not what they expected.  Again, it’s that ‘what other people think’, but these aren’t bitchy aunties. These are my friends. I want them to have the best time, I’m sure they will, but less pressure please.

Outdoor wedding decor in Thailand
Photography: Liam Collard Photography, view more from this wedding here

What if I can’t have the wedding I want?

Once we’re engaged, I’d be keen to set a date fairly soon. A goal to work to and reassurance that we have the date we desire. Well, we know I won’t be getting married in a Gurdwara, so that’s out of the window. Already something I grew up wishing and wanting isn’t going to happen. I’ve accepted that now which means a civil ceremony will be the best option.

With that in mind, it also means there’s only X amount of months to save for the wedding. Shit. I’ve just spent my entire savings on getting on the property ladder. Our parents aren’t paying, so it’ll just be us. Do we wait longer or compromise again and have a smaller wedding?

Will either option be the wedding I want? Is the wedding I want realistic? Is the wedding I’ll have be the wedding I’ve wanted all along?

A Nepali German couple's engagement shoot Photography: Carito Photography | View more from this engagement shoot here

Choosing wedding suppliers

Over the course of these blogging years, I’ve come to work with and feature some of the most amazing wedding suppliers. For example, there are so many talented photographers out there with different photography styles, how do I choose one? I’ve been spoilt for choice by working with all these suppliers that this problem, is a good problem to have. Talking to other wedding bloggers, they know the struggle, we’re extremely lucky to work with the best, so choosing is hard!

First fusion wedding

My wedding will be the first fusion and multicultural wedding in my family, and his. At the moment it’s not something that’s welcomed with open arms, so it feels negative when discussed with extended family. My twin sister Rita and I, were discussing this the other day. When it comes to her wedding in the future, she’s in denial. She doesn’t want to think about getting married because if she was to have an interfaith wedding, it’s seen as a negative thing rather than positive. Instead of a happy time that weddings would bring.

This resonated with me because we don’t know what sort of wedding she’d have but mine would be a fusion one. It wouldn’t be in the Gurdwara or Church. It will be extremely strange for my grandparents. I’m not even sure if my grandma has been to a civil ceremony wedding before! I know weddings you can’t please everyone, but I believe my wedding will be the hardest one in my family. Following that when my sisters and brother get married, it’ll be easier. I’ll be the experiment.

A Hindu and Jewish Fusion WeddingPhotography: Katia Taylor Photography | View more from this wedding here

Short ramblings

To sum up, these are some of the thoughts that come across my mind when I’m daydreaming about getting engaged. This post was more a ramble to let you know some of my thoughts as a wedding blogger. Whenever it comes, it’ll be difficult but I also need to remember why we’re getting married and what’s important to us. Priorities for me even this year may not be relevant next year or the year after that.

So thanks for being my agony aunt/reader this time and if you have any thoughts, let me know below.

*Featured image shot by Sorriso Weddings and Portraits | View more from our lifestyle shoot here

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6 Comments

  • Reply Hannah October 11, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    I love the honesty of your post Raj. It can be challenging to combine cultures, but it also gives you opportunity for new and personal elements which make them even more special – I found it helped to ask what were the most important parts of each ceremony and find ways to incorporate the meaning or ritual into our own celebration. And at the end of the day as long as you’re marrying the person you love it will be perfect x

    • Raj
      Reply Raj October 14, 2016 at 10:42 am

      Thanks for you comment Hannah. It’s so silly when I’m not even engaged yet but those thoughts do loom. Yes definitely, thanks for your advice 🙂 x

  • Reply Cali October 18, 2016 at 4:38 am

    This candor is so refreshing. Wedding planning is hard—even if you spend most of your time thinking about and writing about the industry. The folks at Joy wish you all the luck! xo

    • Raj
      Reply Raj October 18, 2016 at 9:04 am

      Thanks for your kind words team Joy! x

  • Reply JENNY June 14, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    I’ve just stumbled across this and love your posts! My boyfriend is Sikh and I’ve recently met all his grandparents/aunts/uncles etc so naturally I am now wondering what sort of wedding we would have. Would you consider something quirky like a woodland wedding? This way it may make the civil ceremony part seem a little less clinical than a registry office for example and you could really theme the whole venue. 🙂

    • Raj
      Reply Raj June 18, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      Hi Jenny, ooh that’s so good that you’ve met his grandparents and extended family now! Yes of course, that sounds like a wonderful wedding. It’s your wedding and you can make it as unique as you want, make it personal for you two. I can’t wait to see it!!

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